Sweet Genesis

Friday the 13th seems like a blessing for a close friend of mine - she successfully delivered a wonderful baby girl! Genesis, that's her name - already she sounds like a spirited gal with strong lungs :)

Reflecting on this incident, I wonder if the government's policy, rather incentives to lure young couples to start a family early really works or is it just a mere coincidence? Anyway, I knew there and then when I held little Genesis in my arms that I have lost my scuba diving buddy - her mum; sad but a true reality.

After the hospital visit, had a brief chat over coffee with another gal pal. She is contemplating getting married and starting a family while her biological clock is still ticking. Then there was me, yup... what will I do?

Frankly, I don't know what lies ahead. All I know is that I am happy where I am right now, spending more time with grams and mum, redecorating my home sweet home and toiling through my studies. But at some point in time, I knew that I have to be less selfish.

Recently, over lunch, my colleagues who noticed that I've been 'spending late nights' at work asked, "What about your social life?"; I was stumped coz I didn't really thought about it. Yeah, what about it? For now, I'm happy going on casual dates (its not the same as casual sex, mind you!) without any exclusivity and to be honest, I like it. No strings attached while spending some clean, good fun catching up and exchanging ideas with the male species.

What I am driving home is that its not easy finding a good man; simply someone who is responsible and less selfish than I am (its a bonus if he's intelligent and has a cute butt). Over coffee me and my gal pal concluded that although it sounds cliche, having a man who is financially stable is practical (less complication). No longer are we, err especially women over 30, disillusioned by the notion of love. Interesting, eh? Think about it girls...

PS: Happy birthday, Daph!

Stylo Milo!

Being an analytical person, I am a big fan of Human Science Behaviour. When a pal of mine shared this personality test with me, I immediately had a go. Verdict: It was fun.

Personally, having a go at such tests will help you understand yourself a little better (with 10-20% discounted for a dash or reality, ha!):

Learning Style
Knowing your style means you:
1. learn faster in lesser time (efficiency)
2. use relevant learning aids to improve learning (quality)
Take the test and view the style description

Left or Right Brain Dominance Style
Knowing your style means you:
1. understand how the brain processes information (awareness)
2. strengthen your less dominant brain hemisphere (for balance)
Take the test and view the style description
You can view the style whole brain theory as well.

Personality Style
Knowing your style means you:
1. understand your strengths & weaknesses (intrapersonal)
2. learn to interact better with other types (interpersonal)
Take the test and view the style description here or here

Have a go, experiment & have fun :)

Education

Nothing drives me more than learning a new knowledge and I get to do what I love through my course at UMass Boston. I'd recommend this part time course (or the full time course by Carnegie Mellon) to anyone keen to pursue a profession in Education/Instructional Design.

The beauty of this profession is that we never stop learning a new knowledge. I remember a friend telling me, "I'm like a walking dictionary with 'useless' information". In this KBE era, an affinity towards lifelong learning is a necessity to remain current. As individuals, we must proactively chart our career path before we are forced towards employment restructuring.

That brings me to my next point. I have countless plans to diversify my skill sets (so that I can realise my dream of becoming a freelance Subject Matter Expert/Lecturer by 45):
1. Complete my MEd in Instructional Design (curriculum development skills)
2. Complete my ITPM Certification (improve efficiency in my job)
3. Take up a Grad. Dip. in Info-Communication (IT & Multimedia knowledge)
4. Take up MSc. in KM (for a wholistic perspective of the industry)
5. Take up a MA. in Education & Human Development (HCM knowledge)

Besides pursuing a secular education, I am also looking forward to:
1. Nourishing my soul with more knowledge (be a better person for all)
2. Spending more time with my family (neglected them earlier in my career)
3. Doing more for charity (for causes close to my heart - children & the elderly)
4. Starting my own sideline business (as a hobby for 'rainy days')
5. Settling down & being the best mummy I could ever be

At the end of the day, I want balance in my life by maintaining a healthy body, mind & soul as well as leading a fulfilling life. Is that too much, you reckon? ;)

To buy or not to buy

Work has been great these few weeks; wonderful colleagues, great lunch sessions. To add to that, one of my ex-colleague will be joining me in Feb (he's really talented and will be a great addition in the media department). Work is slowly piling up but thus far manageable (no time to update my blog but it sure feels good to have that "Pay Day" feeling again!)

Alhamdulillah, its been a good start to 2005 - Badminton sessions, gathering at cousins' place, planned diving trips, trekking and I can revisit my plans on Caftan, Kurta, etc (my business partner is esctatic! We're going KL in Feb.) I met *Precious* just this week and had a good catch up session (glad she is enjoying volunteer work just as I am).

On the home front, I am closer to mum and younger brother and its a nice feeling. My elder brother is getting married this June and the whole family (relatives included) are excited to go up Trengganu, Malaysia to attend the wedding (the bride is there; I'll have a sis-in-law soon!)Younger brother is goading me to get a car so that, I quote, "I can drive you to work, sis, once I start at NIE"... rite!. Although, I am keen to explore getting a Toyota Vios or Suzuki Swift, it seems unnecessary given Singapore's good transportation system... Still considering.

What do you know?! My first blog for 2005. Will end my blog with a nice poem (thanks, Nic):

The Wind In My Face
I am at my best with the wind in my face,
When overcoming the challenge, with pace.
The pace that requires more effort, more strength.
But once gained momentum, endures with great length.
It's easy to sit back, placid and calm
Comfort is only a relative balm.
It seems an advantage, better than strife
But is dulled by stagnation, stifling life.
Progress needs movement, energy, drive,
No chance for improvement if you do not strive.
Nothing's for nothing: cause and effect.
That which you work for, you've more chance to get.
So give me the wind, let it blow in my face,
The more I confront, the more strength I'll embrace.
Steps are not mounted, nor challenge o'ercome.
Without certain courage or effort be done.

Sipadan-Kapalai

What breathtaking view above and underwater. It was a more relaxing dive for me this time (I didn't puke for most of the wall dive!). Its true what CY said, "You get to see big stuff at Sipadan and small stuff at Kapalai". The only disappointment was no hammerhead as planned, although CY snapped a picture of a baby hammerhead caught by Tawau fishermen and sold for $1RM at a fish market, bah! :(

Am looking forward to the New Year Diver's Gathering next week (since I missed the Christmas gathering being away) to get all the photos we took for the dive trip. Also during this trip, I learnt to trust my instincts and free my mind from being judgmental. I learnt that you don't get to see the entire perspective to a situation hence dont be too quick to judge (thanks LG for the advice). As they say, "Accept what you can and cannot change. Knowing the difference is true wisdom".

Was glad I finished reading "Angels & Demons". Verdict = it was not as thrilling as "Da Vinci Code" but an interesting read nonetheless. Found out that the group I went with shared my reading interest (HB is reading Tony Parson's "Man & Wife" while CY is reading "Da Vinci Code"). I will get either "Deception Point" or "Digital Fortress" next *excited*.

Found out that one of my colleagues, err ex-colleague, is doing his open water dive at Koh Samui (Rye, hope you'll enjoy your trip amidst the tidal wave from Sumatra earthquake; glad you are ALIVE!). Am also quite worried about another ex-colleague who is back in Chennai, another area affected by tidal waves (Arun, hope to hear from you soon).

With the end of the year coming to a close, I pray that the new year will bring a brighter future for all. As for me, I can't wait to start work at my new place (Mum is right, when you have faith and stay close to Allah, he will guide you) Alhamdulillah. The entire 2004 has indeed brought me closer to GOD and I am thankful, Amen :)

Man & Wife

A real story about the way most men think. Am so glad Harry decided to work things out with Cyd. Reflecting on "Man and Wife", I realized most men are hopeless romantic but ain't it a challenge, trying to get the constant high doing the 'chasing' all the time?

At some point, you've to learn to come up with ways to fall in love with the SAME person rather than changing partners (now that takes creativity which only the intelligent can muster? ah...) Maybe mum is right, "If you marry for the right reasons (religion in particular), you'll never go wrong."

Am about to start on Dan Brown's "Angels and Demons", a book recommended by Syafiq. Will bring this book along my dive trip to Sipadan, wohoo! It'll be 4 days of blissful diving - 2 days at Pulau Sipadan Resort and 2 days at Kapalai Resort. Will update you on the verdict but am sure will enjoy it there :)

Was so glad to have met some new faces (catching up with old pals too! Looking at the tiny bump, V, am so happy that you'll be a mum soon! I'll pray that baby and mum will be healthy and fine) during a recent bbq gathering at Jo's. It's funny how you can have a roomful of strangers and yet have great conversations. Key = common interest i.e. DIVING! Happy birthday to the 3 lovely ladies :)

I am looking forward to the new year and new opportunities ;)

PS: Guys, lunch at Saravana Bhavan was grreat! Hope you like the pics we took.

Verdict: One for my baby

"Its funny. You love something and then one day it's suddenly gone or changed or lost forever. But somehow that doesn't stop your love. Maybe that's how you know it's the real thing. When it doesn't come with conditions and get-out clauses, when it doesn't have a best-by date. When you just give your love and never stop giving it, and know that you never will. That's when it is real. That's when they can never touch it or spoil it or take it away from you." - Tony Parson

Tony Parson's "One for my baby" validates my belief about love - Let your love be stronger than your hate and anger. Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break. In short, love like you have never been hurt coz its not what you lose when a relationship/friendship is over, its what you gained while you had it (a similar concept to the half full, half empty glass theory). I am currently reading his "Man and Wife". Let you in on the verdict soon.

Talking about compromise, sometimes we are so prone to accusing others of causing injustice to us that we fail to look at ourselves in the mirror and ask ourselves did we acted against our conscience or against our professional code of conduct to be treated in an unfavourable manner. Yes, its human nature to always point an accusing finger at others. Someone say "only the insecure would" (well, to hide their insecurities of course!).

I learnt that the strong ones do not go about feeling bitter about the small stuff (remember, don't sweat the small stuff?) but look at the big picture and reflect on how we can contribute to make things better instead of falling into the anger or apathy trap. I guess it takes maturity and not everyone grow and learn at the same pace (how true!).

But the funny thing is, through all these tribulations of late (its manageable, Alhamdulillah), I learnt who I can trust, who are ever willing to protect me and that matters alot to me (I feel really blessed - thanks guys - you know who you are). I learnt that when you stay close to Allah, Allah will stay close to you and whatever that happens in life, it was planned by the Almighty (there's a reason for everything) to bring me closer to my faith and I am ever grateful for that test (it shows I am still loved, Subhan Allah!)...

Idulfitri 2004

This year's Shawal was special as the extended family picture below was one of the rare moments where we could gather everyone for a family portrait (then again, my aunt Sofurah and family were absent in this picture)

Also this year, I managed to coax Boy (my Siamese cutie) to have a family portrait on 1 Syawal (ain't he the cutest?) Upon reflection, although this year was rather 'solemn' as there was no hustle bustle of making raya goodies or shopping for clothes, it was one of the most fulfilling Ramadhan I had and I am thankful to GOD for what I managed to accomplish thus far.

Now that the holy month has passed, I have to focus on getting my career back on track. At the turn of event, I pray that Allah shows me the way to a career that pleases him. And Subhan Allah (God is great), out of the blue, my aunt Zulia asked me if I was interested in a position that her HR friend has to offer. Syukran (thank you)! I was open to opportunities (thank you, Uncle Zul, for the referral).

An ex colleague (thank you, LW) emailed me a note regarding "Love your job but don't fall in love with the company as you never know when it will turn its back on you"... how true. I end this blog by thanking everyone for their well wishes and encouragement during Syawal :)

Sad Departure of Ramadhan

131104 (Saturday):
While other people rejoice on the eve of Syawal, I grieved. It was too overwhelming for me that the blessed Ramadhan passed me by (I wished I could have done more to garner all the benefits of this holy month). Mum asked if I wanted to buy a set of new clothings (she felt sad that I didn't have a new baju kurung this year) but I declined. Idulfitri is not about new clothes, shoes, etc. To me its about the spiritual cleansing of one's soul. I admit I have not been a perfect person, but am taking the time to learn and be a better person for myself, for mum and those loved ones dear to me.

Sometimes, we are so focused on our own insecurities or our own 'world' that we do not see the bigger picture; A colleague asked me once "Why are you so busy when the company is not paying you, etc?" To me, its not the fear of humans that worries me; regardless... I am still answerable to Almighty Allah. Life may seem on the downhill for me now, but it just proves that I have to have a stronger faith in GOD's will for only Allah is foreknowing on what is the best for me and I have to be ikhlas (sincere) and accept whatever comes my way with an open heart, Inna lillahi wa inna iillaihi rojiun (from him we came, to him we shall return).

I end my blog today with a poem from a dear friend (thank you, Sha):

MOMENTS IN LIFE
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much
that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!
When the door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often times we look so long at the closed door
that we don't see the one, which has been opened for us.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile, because
it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Dream what you want to dream;
go where you want to go; be what you want to be,
because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human and
enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily
have the best of everything;
they just make the most of everything
that comes along their way.

The brightest future will always be
based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying
and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling
and everyone around you is crying.

Madness - Past 2 Weeks

Subhan Allah (God is Great). The hectic speed of completing projects to chase payments really tested my patience these past weeks. Just when I was ready to call it quits, the talk with my CEO changed my perception of things. I am still unsure as to where I stand but open communication did go a long way (thanks, R). A sign? Perhaps.

Was a tad disappointed that my sideline business could not pick up speed due to cash flow. My partner said I looked distracted, like I have alot on my mind. Its true, I do and thanks for your patience, CK.

Bush got re-elected and am wondering how will that impact the economic climate of Asia. Was silently rooting for Kerry, although it could be a blessing in disguise as Kerry practises 'protectionism' and that would spell trouble for alot of countries that benefitted from the outsource business Bush advocates. Arafat is critically ill. Insya Allah (God Willing) he will get a miracle recovery if that is God's will.

A couple of special people celebrated their birthday this week. Sent them my well wishes. Unfortunately, one just read my e-greeting and not reply to say thanks! (at least now I know the state of our 'friendship').

Will focus on the next 9 days of crucial Ramadhan and devote my time to prayers. After that will seriously think about diving at Similans with CY in Dec. Stay tuned as I update this blog soon.

Decisions, Decisions

Monday (181004):
Monday blues... and what a way to start the day by being stuck at the banks (take note its plural!). This incident really made me rethink about 'fight or flight' situation (aptly put, HW). Went office feeling jaded. Was glad to get a follow-up sms on an offer; will see her soon. Went home early to break fast with my family.

Tuesday (191004):
Worked from home today. Felt better being home (somehow the vibe in the office was not positive). Was happy that one of the blogger commented on "Get Real" that he prefers bloggers who are not self-depreciating. Totally agree; I'd rather read a blog that veers towards current affairs or at least something profound than some mindless blabberings. I had to inform mum about the state of my company; as expected, she was worried. Reassured her that there is a time and place for everything and that this is just a test from the Almighty.

Wednesday (201004):
The meeting went well in the morning and got a call for another offer (will have to meet the lady tomorrow during lunch time). Work wise, had to update a client on the progress of the project schedule. The morale in the office was low (need an update from CEO soon!)

Thursday (211004):
The lady was also a diver, small world! However, have a strong feeling she was penalizing me for my take on money - true money is important in a rewarding job but to me working with a progressive company is more important coz of the learning curve I will take away with me. Differing in opinion is alright; as they say 'diversity breeds creativity' but somehow I don't think that rings through here for her... Time will tell. Was told to prepare a presentation but I doubt I want to pursue this offer.

Democracy?

Friday (151004):
When you thought that the end is near, a miracle happened, Subhan Allah (God is Great)! Going in to the staff meeting was the best thing that happened to me today. For once, I saw the 'person' my CEO was since we started this company. I was so glad that he wanted to hear our point of view and took the time to find an alternative, Alhamdullilah (Thank God). From there after, you could see the spark back around the office. Although I have not recuperated, I felt much better at the turn of event. I know that there is still uncertainty but at least whatever that is to come will be way better than where we are right now...

Went home on the first day of Ramadhan feeling relieved; Surfed the net to get more info on my sideline business with the hope that we could progress further in this arrangement. My business partner told me that there was a retailer who is keen to see our stock; a possibile channel? Perhaps... There's always a reason for everything :)

Saturday (161004):
Second day of Ramadhan. Was tabulating my finances. Verdict = short! Was supposed to see my orthodontist but had to take a 'rain check' on that. Was thinking of baking cookies and cakes for Syawal but... don't think that is possible this year. Spent the day researching for more suppliers as well as ideas for the clothes line.

Sunday (171004):
Third day of Ramadhan and I learnt that when I could not process my thoughts well enough, it was better to step back and analyse the situation and think things through before making a decision; CK made me realize that I have to give more room to options (thank you CK for having faith in me as your business partner and for being open). I realized that having your own business is a new ball game all together; its not that I am fearful (hey, having some fear is good as it keeps you on your toes) of the uncertainty, just don't want to disappoint my partner in crime. Am glad that we managed to resolve the slight hiccup we have and work towards our common goal. Here's to a new lease of life! Amen.

Life suddenly seems so uncertain at all fronts but I am not about to buckle under pressure. Its important to keep a clear head (a good sense of humour helps too). No one says life is a bed of roses so I shall take life with a pinch of salt. Hikmah behind everything, Insya Allah!

Down, Not Out...

Monday (111004):
Was supposed to be at client's place today but client postponed meeting to Tuesday morning. As I was heading to work, alot ran through my mind - life, work, finances, education, etc. Post 30, it seems as though I have reached an impasse; its the same with the rest of my peers. Is the economy really picking up? Doesn't seem the case. The elearning market seemed to have reached a standstill. Maybe I need to restrategise in terms of my careerpath...

Tuesday (121004):
Woke up and headed to client's place in the morning. Then got back to office and had quick lunch before another meeting with client. Saw Luke online. As I was feeling bored, I started chatting online (I know it was kinda rude but can't help it, bah!). We decided to meet up with the rest the next day (kinda excited as it has been awhile since we all got together... miss them loads!). Went back feeling slightly better; sharead a cab with my colleagues.

Wednesday (131004):
Today, mum left for JB with nan. I went to work feeling down. Got sms from CY; he informed me about White Manta (frontpage news!). He also asked me if I wanted anything from Beijing. He'll be flying this Saturday and be back next Sunday. I declined any (what a sweet gesture). Also sms one of my dive buddy who just got back from her honeymoon. She mentioned meeting 'my ex' in NY but did not elaborate. Frankly, I am not keen to know more about him. Live and let live considering its all over.

Then I got a call from Luke and went down for a brief chat at Subway, Amara (sorry about the bad outcome of the interview). Decided to leave early to meet the rest for dinner. We checked out Dempsey Road and ended up at Holland Village and chatted the night away. Got home after 1am; felt tired and a little unwell...

Thursday (141004):
Was down with bad cough and runny nose; decided to take medical leave. Spoke to "Precious" (good chat) then saw Luke online (busy surfing for jobs again I see? Join the club!). Got a reply for another offer; considering... Heard that today pay cheque is in and mum's back and for once nice home cooked meal during my off day (hallelujah!). There will be a staff meeting tomorrow at 4pm; wish me luck!

"Call on Me, I will answer your prayer" (40:60)

Realities of Life?

Saturday (091004):
Woke up for gym and then had a quick shower and lunch before meeting CK (what is it with people and being late?! Gone are the days when professionals believe that "time is money"?) We reached an impasse in our business ideas. Have to rework the strategies (will sleep on it over the weekend; somehow I got the feeling that am the only one who really know what's going on...)

It was nice of CK to say that I have changed for the better, mellower, nicer and incredibly attractive (ok, I added the "incredibly", you got me there; Hey am entitled to some vanity some times yeah! Btw was that flirting with me?!) Its nice to meet friends once in a while and catch up and was glad CK enjoyed my company (sorry you were late for yr date. Hope you didn't get into trouble with yr girl? hahaha)

Had a nice banter with CY over sms; will see him tomorrow for badminton (Nope, am not gonna fall for that trap anymore; have resolved to remain single for a while now) ... Interestingly enough, when I got home on Friday night and was surfing the net, CY sms and asked me out for a drink at Clarke Quay; declined his offer... Besides, if you wanna date a girl, at least extend an invitation in advance (guys out there, learn from this - give the girl some 'face' will ya?) Could a guy have a platonic friendship with a girl? According to CY, its not possible...but CY, were friends so what was that all about? *confused*

Sunday (101004):
What do you make of an employee who has not seen her pay cheque for 2 months? Darn broke! I was grumbling to mum over breakfast and she asked if I am keeping a look out, duh! Suddenly I felt immersed in Harry's role in Tony Parson's "A Man & A Boy" (sans the kid, death of a family and divorce issues) .

Anyway, I went for my badminton and got to know 9 nice guys. Would have joined them for lunch if I wasn't penny pinching being broke... I think CY was a tad disappointed that we didn't get to partner for any of the doubles game; maybe next time. It was sweet of him, in between games, he asked me if I was tired, if I have my bottle of water with me yada yada yada. Its true that I am easily appreciative but I also know that I could never come in between a couple and I would want to play it safe this time round and not think about hooking up with someone just because he likes me... its got to be for the right reasons (no more giving someone the benefit of the doubt)

Guess somehow, all the past experiences have made me a little bit more grown up (pray to GOD that is so), Btw, I have finished "A Man & A Boy". Verdict = Heart warming. I learnt that if you love someone, you don't just see them as extension of yourself. You don't just love them for what's in it for you. Love means knowing when to let go and you will learn to let go coz that is part of what it means to love someone. I guess Nancy Sinatra was right when she said, "A life without love is no life at all".

At a time like this, I could hear Frank Sinatra singing:

Someday when I'm awfully low.
When the world is cold, I will feel a glow;
Just thinking of you and the way you look tonight.
But you're lovely!
With your smile so warm and your cheek so soft;
There is nothing for me but to love you
Just the way you look tonight.

Business Partner

Wednesday (061004):
What a day! I had a fruitful day at work; got all the tasks that I needed to do completed. I then went for the coffee session to discuss possibilities of a work arrangement with another company. Verdict = it was a replacement position. I am still considering the offer and will probably have a second round next week. Spoke to a pal and asked for her opinion as well; will probably meet her and an ex of mine next week if time permits (that reminds me, I have to RSVP for the talk by RMIT for the MBA, IT course).

After that, I met my dive buddy at his badminton session (he seems really happy to see me... hmmm) Had dinner with a potential business partner at 7pm and we discussed the possiblity of a business arranagement till 10pm; we will touch base again this Saturday to map out the blueprint. Went home feeling fulfilled; achieved alot today. Alhamdulillah!

Thursday (071004):
Forwarded some info I have researched to my business partner and will discuss online tonight. I was still toying with the idea of the work arrangement. A colleague told me it would be better than where I am now but... still undecided. Perhaps I shall sleep on it till the weekend. Had a fruitful discussion on the prototype of a client's project in the west; will be presenting that next Monday...Hmm. seems like next week will be another busy week before the fasting month begins.

Friday (081004):
Today was at work for half a day and had lunch with HW and LW (it may be LW's last day, but I got to know LW and family better). Then we headed to HP EduFest at Suntec City. It was insightful. We all headed home and when I was surfing for the exact address of Bukit Gombak CC for my badminton session on Sunday morning, CY sms and asked me out for a drink. Declined the offer (partly coz I was already home and partly coz I will be seeing him this Sunday and I already saw him on Wednesday this week).

Something in my bones is telling me that the weeks ahead will get more interesting...

Talent Scouted or ...?

Sunday (031004):
I spent the early part of the day finishing the fantabulous "Da Vinci Code". What an achievement for breaking some codes before they were revealed. Hey, check out the true tales. I love how Dan Brown does such an extensive research and finally piecing everything together - very intelligent indeed! Also today was a time well spent - practised on my keyboard (kinda miss Zali), updated my resume and researched for opportunities. Watched "Bicentennial Man"; besides its humane overtone, its blah! Then I started reading another book, Tony Parson's "Man and Boy". Will let you know the verdict once I complete it. . . too premature to jump to a conclusion now don't you think? ;P

Monday (041004):
The e-learning industry is really small in Singapore; what goes around comes around? Perhaps. Out of the blue, a direct competitor called my office and ask, "I know this sounds wierd, we have never done this before but are you open to other opportunities?" What an opportune time, you might say? When I asked the lady who referred her to me, she said, "I promised the person I keep this referral confidential". Somehow I have an inkling who the referee is! Nonetheless, I shall keep my options open although the mere mention of the company's name makes me squirm but like Ben used to say, "Beggars can't be choosers". Another advice from a friend was, "No harm seeing what your market value is". Perhaps she is right.

Tuesday (051004):
Another draggy day but somehow I knew I had to complete the progress report for a project before 071004, darn! The prototype review for one courseware was done without 'drama' but I am pretty sure some of the media guys 'resent' the constructive feedback given (it don't help that the morale is low right now). Then had a final few words with my respected mentor (his last day today... so sad but shall cherish all that I've learnt from this amazing talent). An ex-colleague is helping me submit my resume to her company for an opening (thank you, Rose) and I just arranged for a coffee session with the GM and HR of a direct competitor tomorrow. Wish me luck...

Merger & Acquisition

Wednesday (290904):
What a day! First thing in the morning, I witnessed an apartment opposite mine caught fire and how the SCDF guys were trying hard to stop the raging fire (things like that can get me excited.. haha can hear some of you saying, "Get a life!" Anyway, was late for work due to that, darn). Was supposed to end the day with a good game of badminton with CY and his colleagues but there was a twist!. Verdict = not a good day. The news from my CEO was not very favourable considering the stories I heard about our 'partner in crime'. Morale of my peers was the lowest ever!

Thursday (300904):
Nobody was in the mood to work, including myself but have to put on a brave front during meetings with clients (you still have to be professional, right?). 1 staff left, and more to go. The uncertainty is literally putting everyone at the edge of their seat. At the end of the day, 1 more staff was told that her employment would end this October. Sad sad day... I went home and broke the news to mum (was in tears thinking of the plight of some of my colleagues who have mouths to feed unlike single me!) and she said, "You are talented; you can easily get another job soon". Thanks for the vote of confidence, mum *hugs*

Friday (011004):
We were told that there will be a few round of interviews in the next couple of weeks. Its enlightening to know that the talents in our company are well sought after. After getting an sms reply from one of the respected directors in my company, I decided that keeping my options open will be a wise move. So today, besides helping my colleague to look for another job, I was also keeping an eye on favourable opportunities. Although I know that my CEO has well-meaning intentions of keeping everyone employed, market sentiments of the acquiring company is not very favourable (not to mention the horror stories of its lack of staff welfare). All I know is that we all deserve better than that. Spoke to my pal briefly when I was on my way home (didn't want to elaborate on the acquisition in public).

Saturday (021004):
Was in no mood to go gym; Woke up pretty late for brunch and showered my pet cat and started scouting for job opportunities. Think it went well today. At the end of the day, its God's will. He has foreknowledge of what is good for me and I shall submit to that coz I believe that there's a reason behind everything... time will tell :)

I end my note with this true statement:

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better - King Whitney Jr.

Missing Out?

Friday (240904):
"This day, I will marry my friend". So aptly said. Its amazing how a relationship could last 10 years and the couple end up together as lawful husband and wife. That was what happened to a close pal of mine. Just attended her wedding dinner with the rest of the divers. Took the day off for a relaxed de-stress at a spa before attending the wedding; Saw some of my ex's uni mates. The dinner was good - abalone, seafood platter (I decided to stick to my conviction and steered clear of the shark's fin - nature conservation, yeah man!) Upon reaching home, it made me wonder... "Boy, am I missing out alot in life! Where is my prince charming?"

Saturday (250904):
Flight back delayed. Upon reaching home, went to gym, 'pet grocery shopping' and relaxed at home (read Dan Brown's "Da Vinci Code", practised on my keyboard as tomorrow will be my last lesson for the term); In short, I just 'muck around' at home, editing photos from the wedding last night (was supposed to meet my pals for dinner in the evening but it was cancelled last minute due to work schedule).

Sunday (260904):
Woke up and roller bladed; had brunch, showered and went to keyboard lesson (Zali was cute today; he seemed sad and asked me if my mobile number is still valid as he may just "call you to update you on vacancy for the next term" Funny guy! Anyway, I adore his mellow voice and his patience with novice me 'terrorising' the keyboard) Went home and headed to the photo studio for my family portrait of my brother's convocation and mine (frankly, don't understand the fuss about taking photos but if it makes mum proud to hang that photo on her room wall so be it, you know).

Monday (270904):
What a pleasant surprise from an unexpected visitor - Steve, Berenice and Matisse dropped by our office today (thank god I did not go on medical leave; was a little under the weather). How time flies (its been only one and half years since they left for Melbourne) and Berenice is expecting her second child (so happy for her).

Another pleasant news was from my RMIT mate, she just delivered her second son today (got her SMS). Made me feel as though I am missing out alot in life in terms of settling down and having my own 'breed'. Oh well, my time will come... leave it in God's hands. Its true they say, no matter how successful you are, you have not truly attained true bliss if you don't have a family to call your own, to make you feel complete. As they say, "We find solace in the gentle shade of family".

PS: Congrats, MY on your Open Water licence (managed to convert one more person, ha!) :P

My 'Sparks'

Finally, I completed my Nicholas Sparks Collection (for now!). It all started with Luke's gift (thank you) in 2000, when we reunited after countless 'separations' - "The Notebook". It was significant because its his way of expressing everlasting love. I was blown away by the novel (its a true account of his grandparents' everlasting love). It made me realized that true love can last forever (deep down I know even though Luke and I could not be together, he will always have a special place in my heart). I saw the movie but it was not as inspiring.

LTY then got the majority of Sparks' novels as gifts for various occasions (am easy to please) - "The Rescue" (the autism was based on Nich's son). It portrays how a single mum struggles with a 'special' (I hate the term 'disabled') child. I was impressed with Nich's fatherly dedication (I never had a dad like him).

"Nights in Rodanthe" strikes a chord because it made me rethink my work and life. This novel was given to me before LTY went to USA. A skeptic on long distance relationship, the story gave me strength; despite the distance, my conviction tells me that our love will grow stronger during this period apart (so long as we keep communications open - take time to write letters and emails, with occassional weekend calls).

"A Bend In The Road" was about imperfections of being human, the mistakes we all make, and the joy that comes when we give ourselves to love. It teaches me to love unconditionally inspite of myself with no expectation of reciprocation. My mantra - "Love like you've never been hurt". With LTY, I realized that his past relationships made him resolve to find someone 'perfect' and I cannot be that girl (I am only human with flaws of my own). In love, you have to love the total package, otherwise its not meant to be...

"The Guardian" is a tribute to Boy, my pet siamese cat. He was with me during my 'grieving period' (he instinctively knew when I needed him). It also reminded me of my best friend in college and the 'romance' we had (he's now happily married; the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding" instinctively came to mind).

The most notable gift from LTY was "The Wedding" (he gave it to me when I went USA last December). It talks about love and renewal. The irony was after months of separation and 'renewing the relationship' in USA, we drifted apart when I came back to Singapore... up till today, I still wonder what the outcome would be if we 'brave the obstacles together, come what may'. I learnt how important honesty is to a relationship especially when it concerns both parties (the more you try to hide things, you create a nonchalant front; the more it eats into you and subconsciously you drift away from the one you love) On hindsight, I instinctively felt there was 'someone at the wings' (anyway, that is a different story altogether).

I am proud to say that I paid for the next two novels! After seeing the movie a couple of months back, I read "Message In A Bottle" over two weekends. What I learnt, "No matter how hard and terrible life can be at times, it's possible to move on".

I also saw the movie and just started reading "A Walk To Remember" (this book was inspired by Spark's ailing sister). It truly captures the true essence of the wedding vow, "in sickness or in health, till death do us part"... I learnt that there are such dedicated men who tend their wife unconditionally as she whithers away...

Bottomline, I love the male protagonists in Nich's novels (youhoo, where are you?) - a family man with a kind, sentimental heart, who is adventurous yet down to earth, with a fit body to die for hahaha (in my dreams maybe? perhaps!) My alter ego has spoken ;P

A Tribute to Bluemoon

TGIF yeah yeah yeah! Work today was busy; did alot of QC on coursewares and vetted design documents (such tight dateline especially when you are running concurrent projects, bah!). Nonetheless, managed to squeeze some time (basked in the sun while at it!) and help a colleague run errands (poor girl, still recovering from her fractured leg; since she had alot of heavy stuff to carry, offered a hand) :)

Had a good chat with a close pal. Despite our busy schedule at work or what happened in the past, its always heartwarming when we take the time to hear stories (or read blogs) of how we each 'grow up' at our own pace through happiness, successes, trials and tribulations. Thanks, "Bluemoon" for taking the time to say "Hi" and asking "How are you?". I am so glad that life is kind to you and I pray that you'll always have happiness. Do remember:

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." - Aesop

Just last night, another friend of mine gave me her vote of confidence. Her words were still ringing in my head, "You'll be alright; you are a strong girl." The lyrics from Richard Marx, "Eternity" clearly defines the kind of friends I have (and how blessed I am to have them in my life; can't thank God enough):

Il ya des jours ou par amour on oublie tout,
Le fou, les guerres, le chaos, les remous.
Rien ne sera jamais plus fort que nous.

On a la foi qui peut deplacer les montagnes,
Et nos pensees qui toujours se rejoignent.
Tu sait que meme au loin, je t'accompagne.

J's'rai la pour toi.
Tu peux compter sur moi,
Comme un ami que jamais ne t'oublie,
Chaque jour de ta vie,
Y'aura en moi,
Toujours un peu de toi.
Fidele comme une ombre qui te suit,
Chaque jour de ta vie.